The Brink of Sanity

Marc and Jay as well as many other guest hosts, now bring their unique brand of incoherent babble to tens of people every week in this weekly comedy podcast.

The Brink of Sanity
1,001 Rants

Rant #7: Bathroom Attendants

Is there a more pointless job on the planet than bathroom attendant?

Thanks for handing me that towel, would never have been able to do that on my own.

Word to owners of bars/clubs/restaurants; your establishment is not fancy if you have a bathroom attendant.  It’s just annoying and awkward.

Now every time I go to the bathroom I get to have that awkward exchange where I take a towel from this dude who is just standing there while I pee, and then give him that ‘thanks but I’m not giving you shit’ look.  It gets more awkward every time I go.  So now I feel obligated to give this guy a buck for handing me a paper towel that was 4 inches from me anyway.

Thanks but I'm still not giving you shit.

And where does it end?  If I’m in for a long night of drinking I might have to go 5 times.  Am I supposed to give this guy a buck every time?  He better have some mints or something so I at least get something back.

What, these mints aren't even free?

So now I find myself trying to come up with strategies to get around this awkwardness.  I’m drinking straight whiskey instead of beer so I have to go less, I’m looking outside to see if there’s a normal bar across the street without a lurker that I can pee in, I’m debating holding it for the next 4 hours.

The best strategy I came up with is to wash my hands really slowly, wait for someone else to wash (if there is only one sink you’re screwed) and while they are getting their guilt-trip towel just walk out.  The five minutes of wet hands are worth not having that awkward exchange.