The Brink of Sanity

Marc and Jay as well as many other guest hosts, now bring their unique brand of incoherent babble to tens of people every week in this weekly comedy podcast.

The Brink of Sanity
1,001 Rants

Rant #4: Self Help Books on how to become rich or live debt free

Step 1: Exploit the stupidity of others by selling them a book full of worthless advice about how to get rich. Donald Trump became rich by inheriting a business and lots of money from his dad. The only person who ever got rich from a self help book is the person who wrote the self help book. If there was really helpful advice in the book the author would be too busy using that information to increase his wealth instead of sharing it with you for $19.95. You know Bill Gates is not writing a self help book about how to make money in the computer industry. I have summed up the ideas included in these books below:

  1. Invest your money (in what? in real estate, stocks, gold, plutonium, dog fighting rings and other vague good sounding ideas). Have your money make money for you while you are stuffing a second corn dog down your throat.
  2. Make a lot of money (you might want to get a better job jerkoff).
  3. Find people who make more money than you and take them to lunch. Ask them how they made more money than you. Ask them for some of their money.
  4. Live like a homeless person so you save every dollar and never enjoy the fact that you are making a lot of money (basically defeating the entire purpose of making a lot of money in the first place).

How to get out of debt books are even worse. Step 1: Don’ t buy this book. These books are even worse because they offer advice that would only be helpful if you were a retarded chimp. Instead you should be looking into credit card consolidation services instead, or other debt consolidation to help yourself get free of your debt.

I have summed up the basic ideas that make up any get out of debt book (these ideas are extremely similar to the bs offered by the get rich books):

  1. Live like a homeless person or at least exclude every possible luxury that could give you any enjoyment whatsoever. You need to cut back like crazy. You don’t need cable or a second car or a second kidney. Get rid of it all.
  2. Make more money (again always a brilliant idea that no one would ever think of without reading these books).
  3. Write down all your expenses in your budget. Somehow seeing in print how stupidly you are spending money will make you understand how to spend wisely.
  4. If you have a lot of credit card debt then pay it off. The average credit card charges interest rates of 26% annually If you are just paying the minimum each month you will never pay off anything.
  5. Stop going shopping every weekend and when you do buy in bulk (especially if you are shopping for cocaine and hookers or self help books).
  6. Use your spare time to work a second job (prostituting yourself for a couple of hours a week can add up to a lot of extra cash by year’s end).

Download Episode 132