{"id":700,"date":"2011-08-24T01:34:25","date_gmt":"2011-08-24T01:34:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/brinkofsanityshow.com\/?p=700"},"modified":"2017-06-01T15:08:20","modified_gmt":"2017-06-01T15:08:20","slug":"rant-19-duane-reade","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brinkofsanityshow.com\/?p=700","title":{"rendered":"Rant #19: Duane Reade"},"content":{"rendered":"

I don’t know if Duane Reade is a regional chain or a national chain, but what I do know is this: Duane Reade is a terrible chain.\u00a0 Unless you want to spend 15 minutes waiting on line to buy a piece of gum.\u00a0 Then it’s the greatest.\u00a0 Because that is how long you will wait no matter when you go in there.<\/p>\n

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Don't go in here if you are in a hurry<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Duane Reade is one of those overpriced pharmacy chains like CVS or Walgreens, only with longer lines.\u00a0 They recently cleaned up all the stores so it isn’t a dump anymore, but they left the shitty cashiers.\u00a0 I swear every single one of them look like they want to kill themselves and make it their mission to make me feel like that too before I leave.<\/p>\n

Since it’s too big of a coincidence that every Duane Reade is like this (or DR as they are lamely trying to be known) I’m assuming every register has a list of rules like this:<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 Do not smile under any circumstance<\/p>\n

2. Letting people in slowly so that there is a long line makes clubs look cool.\u00a0 We’re going to do the same thing.\u00a0 Make sure there is a line so people will think we’re cool too.<\/p>\n

3. If the line is moving too quickly pretend something isn’t scanning correctly or double scan something so that you have to wait for a manager to void it.<\/p>\n

4. If no one is on line, pretend not to see the 1st person that gets on line for at least 5 minutes.<\/p>\n

5. Never say thank you after the transaction, we don’t want to look too needy.<\/p>\n

6. If the transaction is moving too quickly you can always make the time up while bagging.<\/p>\n

7. Make like it’s the biggest inconvenience in the world if someone wants to pay with a card.<\/p>\n

8. Even though the average wait time is 12-15 minutes impatiently yell NEXT before the person who just paid has taken a half a step from the register.\u00a0 You want to give the impression the line is moving slowly because of the customer.<\/p>\n