In Episode 136 we talk about the top 5 things we’re doing in preparation of the rapture. Here are the results:
1. Going to set my work email’s auto-reply to “Raptured.”
2. Making a list of things that the saved people can donate to me, you know, since they won’t need them anymore. Items include:
Video games (preferably retro or standup arcade)
Property (Paid off property, not rentals)
A drum set
Porno collections (digital only, anything else would be gross) unless the internet somehow works, then happily just Watch free XXX in good quality at dosexvideo.com.
Liquor of all kinds, especially whiskey
A comfy couch. Mine sucks.
3. Watching Terminator 2: Judgement Day at exactly 6PM. (the time of the rapture)
4. Listening to my Rapture Playlist:
The End – The Doors
End of the World – Herman’s Hermits
Holy War – Matthew Sweet
End of the Line – The Offspring
All God’s People – Queen
It’s the End of the World As We Know It – R.E.M.
Surrender – U2
Don’t Let It End – Styx
It’s Over – Electric Light Orchestra
Rapture – Blondie
5. Posting funny posts in my May 22nd Facebook Group
1. Buying a new outfit or figuring out what to wear for the rapture. You need to find the perfect outfit for the big/last day.
2. Finally seeing “Dances with Wolves”. Everyone keeps telling me it is the best movie ever and it would be a shame for the world to end before I see it. And, what if I get to Heaven and they don’t have Netflix streaming, then how am I going to see it.
3. I am actually going to be at a bachelor party this weekend so I will need someone to text me when the rapture happens (since I will be surrounded only by sinners). The tricky thing is finding someone who is a good enough person to text you but not good enough to actually get raptured to Heaven.
4. Watching the Mets play the Yankees in the subway series this weekend. If the Mets don’t win 2 of 3 it really will be end of the world.
5. Coming up with a list of snarky questions to ask super religious people on May 22nd.
“Aren’t you supposed to be somewhere else right now?”
“When I miss the bus I usually just wait for the next one. Do you think you’ll catch the next Rapture”
“So you spent your whole life as an extremely devout Christian going to Church every Sunday, how is that working out for you?”
“The rapture could happen any moment. Do you think it will happen right now…or how about right now…or how about right now”
“Do you think Bin Laden took your spot in the Rapture?”