Top 5: Tips For Visiting Manhattan

In Episode 135 we went over our top 5 tips for visiting Manhattan.  Here is the results:

Jay’s top 5

1.  If someone wants to shake your hand keep moving, it’s bad news.

Don't do this.

There is only 3 possible situations you will find yourself in if someone wants to shake your hand.

1. They are an up and coming rap artist and want to “give” you a copy of their demo cd.  Of course they will take the cd back if your donation for this “free” cd is under $5.
2. This person wants to ask you if you are interested in saving the children.  You will then be shown 1,000 pictures of starving children and be asked to donate money.
3. This poor soul is just trying to get home to his kids.  He is only $7 short of the train fare to get home.  What happened to asking for a quarter?

2. If all of the other cars on a subway are full and you see an empty one, AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

You might not see him until it's too late

If it looks too good to be true then it is.  If you run onto an empty subway car when all the other cars are full you will most likely be walking into the above scenario.  If not then there is definitely poo or vomit or poo and vomit in that car.

3. You don’t want to go to the comedy club they are telling you about.

Yes it will probably have a decent headliner, but that is it.  You’ll be buying tickets for two shitty opening comics and one headliner for $25 and a 2 drink minimum (at a $7 minimum).  There are dozens of great comedy clubs in Manhattan, don’t get tickets for the first one you are offered.

4. NY city pizza is great, but pizza places right outside of busy subway stations aren’t.

Not all NYC pizza is good

Why aren’t these places good?  Because they don’t have to be.  They get so much traffic that it doesn’t matter if you go once and never go back.  There will be literally thousands of people who do the same thing.  Places right outside of a subway station can have terrible food and stay open forever.

5.  If you end up in front of a bar with a cover, move on.

Please sir, can I get into your shitty bar?

There are literally hundreds of bars in Manhattan.  And most of them don’t have a cover or a bouncer.  There is really no reason to go to a place where you have to wait in line to be judged and then pay money just to get in.  Once you get in you’ll be treated to douchebags, shitty music and overpriced drinks.  How places with a cover have even more expensive drinks than places without doesn’t make sense to me.

Marc’s top 5

1. Don’t stop to have a conversation or take a picture or have a picnic in the middle of the sidewalk in Manhattan, especially turning the work day.

All these people are in a hurry, move or you will get run over.

While you may be on vacation and feel like just hanging out, the rest of New Yorkers have to work and have places to be. We want to kill you when you stop in front of us forcing us to dodge you.  New Yorkers are not rude, we just have places to be like work, especially work because this city is freaking expensive.

2. Please don’t eat in any big chain like Olive Garden or Fridays or Red Lobster or Chili’s no matter how cool their times square locations look.

If you wanted to eat in these restaurants you should have stayed home.

NYC is home to some of the world’s best food. Eating in one of these chain restaurants in NYC should be against the law. You will pay a ton of money and get served a ton of crap.

3. There is no commission that hands out the title “world’s greatest” so please do not think you have found the world’s greatest pizza or cheese cake or new york’s best deli.

If it were the world's greatest pizza than it would probably not need to advertise this fact.

4. If you are trying to blend in then you either root for the Mets or the Yankees, saying you root for both is like saying you are rooting for both the North and South in the Civil War.

Mets Fan: I am sure the hardest part about being a Yankee fan must be telling your parents that you are gay.

5. It is all about perspective in New York. If you are walking across the street in NYC you know that NYC drivers are the world’s biggest assholes. If you are driving though a cross walk in NYC you know that NYC pedestrians are the world’s biggest assholes.

Most NYC drivers think this should be legal.