Rant #8: The World will End on May 21, 2011…or on some later date.
We have all seen the signs proclaiming the “End is Near” or “The World is going to End”. These signs are usually on the subway walls or held up by the craziest religious people you have ever seen. The thing is I agree with these signs because the world is going to end (I just disagree about how soon). But now, there is a movement that says the world is going to end, or more specifically judgement day is May 21, 2011 or 10 days from now. Don’t they know that May 22nd is going to be kind of awkward?
The crazy notion that Judgment Day is on May 21, 2011, and specifically starting at 6pm on that day, it is being advanced by Family Network, a Christian radio network, and its President and broadcaster, Harold Camping. Harold Camping previously predicted the world would end in 1994. And, of course, it was pretty crazy when the world ended in 1994. Harold claims to be a Bible scholar and, after spending thousands of hours studying the Bible is positive this time the world will actually end. I guess everyone else who reads the Bible just had the pages stuck together that specified when the world would end.
Every few years someone or other picks a new date for the world to end and links it to the Mayans or the Bible or Sarah Palin. It is always awkward the next day. Your followers in your cult are just not going to respect you when you get this one completely wrong. So, here are the rules for predicting the specific date when the world will end:
- Pick a date at least 10-15 years out so you can really milk this.
- Somehow link having your followers send you money to surviving the end.
- Somehow link having your more attractive followers sleep with you to surviving the end.
- Sell sponsorship…”The world is going to end and thanks to ChristianMatch.com you don’t have to be alone when it does.”
- When you do get it wrong, pretend you said May 21, 3011 and wonder aloud why everyone thought the end was so soon.
Some other thoughts: The idea of judgment day is that all of the super religious people disappear from Earth (and go to Heaven) while the Earth is left with all the sinners. In others words, all the boring people leave and the party really begins.
Also, what do they do with all the signs and other paraphernalia when the world does not end? When a team loses the Super Bowl or World Series they already have the t-shirts made and send them to random villages in Africa or some other third world community where these shirts will never be seen again. I assume that is what they do with all these end of the world items. So next time you are trek through a random village in Zimbabwe you may find a village where everyone has t-shirts celebrating the Super Bowl champion Buffalo Bills and have signs indicating that the world should have ended months ago.